I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
