I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
