Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
