Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
