I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
