'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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