And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
