GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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