girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sarcasm needs its own font
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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