My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
