Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
