What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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