I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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