I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
