what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
