Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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