Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
