We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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