Can i not drive my cunt home
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
