White coat. Heels.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
