made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
