I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
