i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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