grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
