i barfeds in our rink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
