it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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