i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
