I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
