I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
