Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
