I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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