I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
