she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
