Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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