Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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