he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
don't judge my taste in strippers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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