broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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