She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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