My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
