Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
