You're my little dorito
my mouth tastes like poor choices
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
