His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
