Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
