HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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