next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
