the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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