this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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