Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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