Fuck appropriateness.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
