then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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