he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
