those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
