spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
