He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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