just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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