What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
