tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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