We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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