Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
