Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize