it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
