Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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