I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
