tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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