I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
