I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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