Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
