After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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