He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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