Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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