Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize