Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
