Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
