Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
honey bunches of taint.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
