My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
