At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
