Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
