Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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