in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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