a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
