"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
