Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
