we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
