You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
