she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
