i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
