Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
