My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Randomize
