Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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