He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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