Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am midnight drunk by noon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
