I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
