I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
